ROMI’s website was originally created for the purpose of providing factual information to pet owners regarding the potential deadly effects of RIMADYL and then began expanding to include factual information about other potentially deadly canine drugs, vaccinations, veterinarian caused risks/dangers and products in the hopes that further tragedies could be prevented via raising the awareness levels of the public.
Additionally, as I went through the various experiences of trying to obtain “justice” for what had happened to ROMI, that information was included and added to for the purpose of providing information on potential “options” for consideration to others similarly situated in an effort to aid those who might be trying to determine if they, too, wanted to “seek justice”.
Two separate and very distinct issues evolved for me:
1) I saw that there wasn’t going to be any “justice”, at least not according to my own personal definition of same, and
2) so many folks that I was in e-mail correspondence with because they too had “lost” a beloved pet due to these same sorts of circumstances were additionally suffering severe emotional impacts and continuing to have problems coping with the aftermath of same.
It was definitely looking as though between “no justice” and “no practical help” for coping with the “aftermath” of these experiences being available, things were “grim” to say the least, and I realized that I was beginning to have a complete and total “meltdown“ of my very SOUL. The horrific and agonizing needless/senseless death of my sole friend/companion, ROMI, was only the “trigger” or a “catalyst” for what was to follow next, and my “journey“ through a personal HELL, although well underway, is not completed yet, but there‘s more than just a glimmer of light at the end of this tunnel for me and this is what I want to share now.
This page for ROMI’s site is an extremely difficult one for me to write because the majority of the information that is specific to myself cannot and will not be revealed due to any potential damage it could possibly cause to others. However, I still feel compelled to write it and you may feel compelled to ignore/disregard any/all of it; you will know on a very deep level which areas may be of personal relevance to you, as well as to whether or not you‘re ready/willing to deal with them. The only “advice“ I provide is: “don‘t go where you‘re not comfortable on my account“. My hope is that this will provide you with some potential insights and information links to use, if you wish to, to improve the overall quality of your life by coming to better understandings in general, to begin to heal your very SOUL, not only from the needless/senseless loss of a beloved pet, but in all other areas of your life.
After having filed the Washington State Veterinary Board of Governors complaint [12 parts and 135 documents/exhibits that proved beyond a reasonable doubt the truth and validity of each and every one of my allegations], filing with the Better Business Bureau and continuing with my exploring various and sundry other options to obtain “justice”, I was taken back by someone telling me that I’d become “an Internet crazy”. I began wondering if that was “true”. By this point in time I’d begun to realize that there was not going to be any sort of “justice” occur on ROMI’s behalf, or for anyone else going through this sort of thing, so I began “writing” to myself to determine what was happening to ME as a result of all this frenzied activity.
I went back over all of my pleas for “justice” and realized that the term “frenzied activity” was definitely applicable. I’d spent somewhere between 10 to 12 hours a day, every day [several times being online for 18 straight hours with only minimal bathroom breaks] for just over a year on the Internet searching, researching, investigating and organizing to present all the information to these entities relevant to “my case” and reached the point in time where I WAS totally satisfied that I had learned the “whole truth” about “what” had happened to ROMI and “why”, that I had done everything humanly possible at my end.
When it began to appear more and more obvious that these “entities” already had a pre-fixed agenda in place to determine their respective “finding/decisions” that had nothing in common with any form of “justice”, I had to take yet another look at the impact that was going to have on me. Although I am personally opposed to any sort of “violence” as a solution to solving any problem, I found that for the first time in my life I was beginning to understand a LOT more about how “terrorists” and “radicals” could take such positions involving violence due to the very high frustration levels that I was personally experiencing in expecting/hoping that the civilized/socially acceptable methods for seeking “justice” were going to produce any positive results. Trust me when I say that it was a real temptation to go against my core principles: there are four veterinarians blithely continuing to “do their thing” to this very day, with absolutely no responsibility/accountability, due only to my strong core belief against “violence“. It was a close call!
When I began doing the writing on the question of “What am I doing, and where should I be going from here?”, I began to lose my “taste” for what might be best described as what was beginning to look like “revenge”. Yes, the “situation” was and is an “outrage”, a disgrace, literally a “canine holocaust”, and I began rereading Victor Frankle’s book, “Man’s Search for Meaning” once again. I did not want “revenge”, I wanted “justice”, BUT it appeared more and more likely that there would not be any “justice“, so what was next? I wanted to learn/figure out what could/would give “meaning” to my life - at this point in time I was waiting on the WA Vet Board decision [expected to be rendered possibly in August, 2005 from my last understanding], unemployed, right on the very edge of financial disaster to the degree that I couldn’t even “bail out” a replacement Rottweiler for companionship/protection from the dog pound, and my physical health was continuing on a slow downward spiral - using a cane to get around with the severe bilateral knee arthritis had become even more limiting due to the non-stop pain.
Then one night I had a very peculiar dream - it was a mental video of a specific man holding me close and comforting me and I realized that it had been the first time in my entire life that I had ever felt truly “safe”, protected and LOVED. I continued to “dream”, night after night, and the dreams became richer and more filled with the details of the true life experiences with “him”, so I began doing some writing to try to understand what was happening “internally” to me with this. I realized that my thoughts/feelings were no longer being limited by dreaming, but that it was turning into a full blown obsession, which I had to question the “normalcy“ of. Not knowing whether the “obsession” had merely somehow replaced the frenzied activity of ROMI’s “case” or if the two items were even related or not, I began asking some of the folks I’d felt close to via e-mails whether any of them had experienced a “grand passion” or not. I wanted/needed to understand what was happening to me here in order to deal with it, and began a correspondence with someone who was also going through severe “depression“ as part of the aftermath following the “Rimadyl experience“ and I asked her if I could write to her, in complete and total confidentiality, and describe the “obsession“ that was “pulling me over the edge“.
This was a HUGE step for me to make because although I had always intellectually known that the “obsession” as a “package” was a “part” of me, since 1970 I’d absolutely refused to allow myself to “emotionally” even look at it, much less confront my feelings and deal with it - after all, it was just “history”, right? WRONG!
Because I was writing to a “real person”, not to “myself”, and with her invaluable questions and feedback, I began to look at not only the “obsession” but my ENTIRE life from a totally different view and began getting valuable insights: the two totally different “situations” had ALL of the same elements within them: loss, grief, guilt, hurt, anger/rage, outrage, frustration, trust, betrayals, sorrow/sadness, fear, abandonment, affection, respect, helplessness, dependency/co-dependency, intellectual aspects, defiance, protection/safety, companionship, loyalty, abuse, laughter and tears, and most of all LOVE.
When first making the connection that ROMI’s horrific death had triggered the “obsession”, I thought that was going to be ALL of it BUT IT WASN’T - it was only the beginning of taking a first time and good, HARD look at 67 years of “stuff” that was built into “me”. I’m not going to kid you, the “journey” into my deepest feelings via writing, researching for more and more information, examining, gaining insights and basically totally reliving my entire life and allowing myself to do it on a conscious level of FEELING it all, much of which had been “stuffed” down deep into my subconscious level, was brutal as it required complete unwavering honesty on my part as both the agony and the ecstasy of it all began surfacing.
I visited an absolute TON of websites looking for something that would work for me to sort this mess out: I didn’t want drugs, diets, exercise plans, chants, spells/charms, positive thinking for the sake of positive thinking, “religion”, “therapy”, etc., despite there being a lot of those things that are helpful to many people. I did not want a “quick fix“, I knew I had to get something that would take me down to the very root of my SOUL and show me how to cope and where to go from there. I wasn’t interested in spending time putting a band-aid on a brain tumor and then pretending it was a “cure”.
Not every possible “spiritual relief” item, or combination of same, available is going to work for everyone and many people are not going to want to take their own personal quest for a cure of “SOUL SICKNESS” to the length that I have done, but for those folks who are interested and willing to consider such an undertaking, I provide what worked and continues to work for me.
http://www.radicalforgiveness.com: it’s not about “forgiving” the “unforgivable” - it’s all about viewing “facts” from a different perspective and only requires a willingness to take a look without any sort of commitment.
http://www.innerbonding.com/index.lasso: provides information on what you need to heal from the inside and I highly recommend downloading the free Inner Bonding course and using it.
May my beloved partner ROMI rest in peace - no matter wherever her bits and pieces/frozen carcass may be held hostage.
[what's in YOUR "urn" ?]