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music title for this page: "Green Dolphin Street".
12/18/04 - NEWS FLASH: Due to the very recent class-action lawsuit filed by the stockholders against PFIZER regarding their financial losses, "Chemical Ali" will be replacing "Chemical Hank" as PFIZER's new CEO (as soon as Mr. Ali's trial for war crimes has been resolved).
Upon receiving dollar-felt congratulations, Mr. Ali was quoted in response to being asked how he felt about the new position: "Never mind the statistically insignificant [dead folks/pets], I want my stockbroker." Will we be able to see the difference in stock values and projected sales for 2005 here? Stockholders certainly hope so!
The Great Chemical War:12/18/04
NEW YORK (Reuters) - Pfizer Inc. on Friday said its popular Celebrex arthritis drug more than doubled the risk of heart attack in a large cancer-prevention trial, a setback that comes just weeks after Merck & Co. recalled its similar Vioxx drug due to heart safety risks.
Both Celebrex and Vioxx belong to a class of drugs known as COX-2 inhibitors.
A Pfizer spokesman said the company has no plans to pull Celebrex off the market. It is one of the drugmaker's biggest products, with 2003 sales of $1.9 billion. The company also sells a newer COX-2 inhibitor, Bextra, that had sales last year of $687 million.
(Contributed by one of the "statistically insignificant" survivors)
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Dr. Margaret Flushing and Dr. Hudo Mekowski had joked with each other about a form of 'Dog Therapy,' since both doctors were dog lovers and had always made them a big part of their lives. They both knew that dogs were born optimists. They also realized that how one acts correlates with how one feels. Dogs 'acted' happy, and because of their actions, they were just that: happy.
Both Flushing and Mekowski had been using a form of therapy based on a model by Alfred Adler, which loosely stated is: you must become best friends with your patient to enact a cure. Of course, like most theorys of therapy it sounded good and worked in some cases, but it failed miserably with the chronically depressed. Flushing and Mekowski decided that being a depressed patient's best friend wasn't enough. They decided to go one step further. Instead of being their patient's best friend, they would turn the patient into man's best friend-the dog. Their controversial therapy became know as 'Dog Mirroring.'
|Jack Murphy became the first patient of Dog Mirroring (or DT's, short for Dog Therapy as it became known to the other Doctors at the Bateman Clinic). Here the patient is shown in a basic 'begging posture.' According to Dr. Flushing, this posture allows the patient to focus his mind while experiencing the happiness of awaiting a treat. A look of 'please' in the eyes while holding this posture teaches basic humility.|
This picture shows Jack Murphy in the 'sniffing the fire hydrant posture.' Dr. Mekowski explains, "the SFH posture allows the patient to re-experience their environment, something that most chronically depressed have been estranged from. It also builds self-esteem by letting the patient know that even the most seemingly trivial act of urinating is something that one can enjoy; both the foreplay and the act itself." Both Flushing and Mekowski recommend this posture to anyone who has lost the childlike innocence of 'going to the potty.'
Here we show the patient bringing the 'sniffing the fire hydrant posture' into its fruition with the 'peeing on the fire hydrant posture.' Dr. Flushing made note, "this posture, although somewhat embarrassing to the patient, brings about a sense of serenity and closure, which most chronically depressed people are desperately needing to experience. The posture is the same for males and females. I call this posture the Great Equalizer. If both men and women performed this posture twice a day, the world would undergo a great change."
|Here we show the patient, Jack Murphy, cured of his depression after only one month of intensive Dog Mirroring Therapy. Jack is shown here performing the 'catch the stick posture.' "The only side effect of Mirroring Therapy so far," reported Dr. Mekowski, "is the rolling of the eyes into the back of the head syndrome. The only other problem we have experienced is the patient's compulsion to chase cars and howl at night, but we are confident that we can control these compulsions with the correct dosage of LSD."|
"If both men and women would perform this posture twice a day, the world would undergo a great change."
-Dr. Margaret Flushing
The family's dog was bought for a guard,
Chained to a post in a chilly backyard,
Housed in a shed that was airless and dark,
And every few weeks had a run in the park.
When boredom set in with no fun and no work,
One day it broke loose and went quietly berserk
Pa couldn't fathom just why it went wild,
As it flattened his wife and then bit his child.
The police were called in to sort out the mess,
And the whole sorry tale was revealed by the press,
The Rescue Society was really annoyed,
So, the dog was re-homed -- and the owners destroyed.
May my beloved partner ROMI rest in peace - no matter wherever her bits and pieces/frozen carcass may be held hostage.
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